The Wrath of the Canned Tomatoes
by suvi-sisko
Summary: When Cyrus is sucked into the Distortion world, the unexpected happens. One-shot. ALPoH challenge fic.


Cyrus could hear a shriek as the darkness consumed him. Later he would realize it was his own. A atrociouspain crushed his body, tearing through his delicately stitched uniform. He could scarcely remember thinking, _'I'll make them pay for that later…'_ before he lost consciousness due to lack of blood.

As he awoke, he realized his eyes were still open. _'That's odd...'_ he mused, realizing he couldn't move at all. He couldn't blink, couldn't move his arms, let alone get up and walk away. He tried to emit a sigh, discovering he couldn't even do that. He attempted to look at his surroundings, soon discovering he could only look straight ahead. _'What sort of madness is this?!' _he mentally cried out.

'_Stop yelling so loud!' _bellowed a voice from next to him. The voice proceeded to mutter something about how canned tomatoes were always _way_ to rambunctious.

At this point, Cyrus would have frowned. However, since he found himself unable to move, he just mentally frowned.

He looked at what he could see of his surroundings, and saw a numerous amount of cans, each of them grouped by their label. Each can had a red man on it; said man covered in deep, beryl leaves. _'What is going on here?!'_ Cyrus mentally cried out.

'_You're in a grocery store, stupid head!'_ the voice from next to him replied, in its own vexatious, high-pitched way.

The former Team Galactic leader's mind reeled, debating the different ways he could've arrived at this… horrid place. _'No, it couldn't have been that…'_ he inwardly muttered. This went on for several minutes, before he settled on a conclusion. As he went back into the Distortion World, Giratina, enraged, had attacked him. The Pokémon called on the help of its underlings, Dialga and Palkia. Somehow, Cyrus had been sent to this strange place in the midst of the turmoil.

'_That accursed duo, Dawn and Lucas, if I remember right… They're the ones that made me regret my ways! I shall have my revenge!'_ he shouted (in his head of course).

The annoying voice from next door was becoming rather agitated with Cyrus' ranting. _'Shut up, will you?! You're a can of tomatoes! You're never getting back at Dawn and Lucas! So, __**shut up**__!!' _it cried out. It was so aggravated, that if it could, it definitely would have kicked Cyrus.

So began the bickering. Cyrus would go on a daily rant, while Tony (as his name was later revealed) told him to "in the name of Arceus, **shut up**!!" (_'At least I'm still in the same dimension,'_ Cyrus thought)

In this manner, Cyrus learned some very valuable information and lessons. Information-wise, he learned that it had been about fifty years since he'd re-entered the Distortion World. Lesson-wise, he learned that Tony was actually a can of corn. You'd be surprised how much a can of corn could hurt someone when they were angry.

Exactly one week after Cyrus had woken up as a can of tomatoes, a horrible thing happened; Tony, the only person that could have been defined as Cyrus' friend in this cruel world, was bought. His final words to the lonely can of tomatoes were, _'I hate you and don't you forget it!'_

Several weeks of boredom later, Cyrus began to wonder why he hadn't been bought yet. He'd been sitting up here for at least a month! He mentally sighed, wishing he had something to do to pass the time. He could feel his red label beginning to curl away from the silver can. _'I'm becoming an old can of tomatoes, aren't I? Someone should hopefully purchase me soon, so I can die in peace…'_

Little did he know, his plea would soon be answered. An older couple stumbled into the store, their hands knotted from years of living. As Cyrus tried to glare at them as they passed by, he realized they looked familiar. The man wore a flat, red hat, tattered and faded. The woman wore a white bandana, grayed from years of use. The man grinned at his wife, "What do you want for dinner tonight?" he asked, his voice cracked from age.

The woman smiled back. "I think I'd like some tomato soup tonight, Lucas. What would you like?"

"I'll have whatever you have, Dawn." he replied sweetly, picking Cyrus off the shelf. Cyrus could barely hold in his mental laughter.

'_Revenge shall be mine!!' _he mentally cackled, as he tried to figure out how to turn his innards rotten.

The end to this odd tale is quite simple. Dawn and Lucas enjoyed a very nice tomato soup. Cyrus failed epically. As he would later realize, it is impossible for a can of tomatoes to turn their innards rotten on purpose.


End file.
